Author's Comments
NaPoWriMo 2009
Day Four I know, I'm a little behind on posting these. But I'm catching up.  I really liked the idea of trying to incorporate sounds as the main basis for a poem, but I don't think I really achieved what I was originally planning with this piece. I'd like to improve of course, so critiques appreciated. Comments
 wow...
I liked it just how it was, it left a large impact for such a simple subject. -- Married to the pen, and we're both having an affair with the page.  Great imagery.
-- Check out *DailyLitDeviations a group dedicated to bring literary art to the forefront of our community. A.B.C ~ Always Be Creating Poetic Visions of an Uncut Mind: [link]  i liked this! how you really did do so well with working in the sounds in the poem well done!
-- From the Count of Monte Cristo, "Live for a day will come when you will be happy, and bless life." -------------------  For I thank God every day for the life He has given me. I am truly blessed with kindness and love, Thank You. Glad you liked it, Vinnie.
Thanks for the favorite.-- Founder of =Inked-Page | Staff for *100ThemesChallenge, #LITplease Glad you think so. Thank you very much for the favorite.
-- Founder of =Inked-Page | Staff for *100ThemesChallenge, #LITplease My pleasure
-- Check out *DailyLitDeviations a group dedicated to bring literary art to the forefront of our community. A.B.C ~ Always Be Creating Poetic Visions of an Uncut Mind: [link]  I like the idea of telling the story from the sounds, and also the setting you chose to do so. I'm not too sure about some of the visual aspects in the last two stanzas though, if the narrator is someone who is still in his/her room, and probably in bed, he/she cannot know these things without getting there to watch, in which case you might wanna incorperate that. I'm whining here, I know.
-- 'Needed time to clear my mind and breathe the free air, find some peace there. Used to keep my heart in jail but the choice was love or fear of pain and I... chose... love...' Anathema - 'Everything'  Wow! Very powerful!
-- KEEP IT REEL Christianity isn't just a religion, it's a relationship. Youtube: [link] It's okay for some whining.
 My original intention with the narrator was a kind of Godly figure who can see, hear all. I wanted it to be open and kind of universal to the reader. I wonder if that idea changes your perception of it? I'm glad you appreciated the use of sounds and setting though. -- Founder of =Inked-Page | Staff for *100ThemesChallenge, #LITplease |
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Critiques
Could it be an R. Kelly Trapped in the Closet situation? Could it be a child hearing their mother struck for the first time? Could it be a mother behind a door, listening to her son get slapped around by his father, or vice versa?
You can't tell! And that's what I love about this piece. It's left to interpretation.
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